The World’s Largest Dumpster Fire: Sponsored by the Trump Administration

(Today in Bullshit News)

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The United States as recently crossed the threshold from tiny, hobo fire on the side of the road into a full on dumpster fire that’s caught the entire city of New York up in a blaze that’s somehow, simultaneously, taking place in the middle of Super Storm Sandy’s younger sister, Superer Storm Sally. It’s actually quite admirable. In ten years, I have a funny suspicion that some kid in an 8th grade classroom will be doing a report on the “Russian-Collusion Scandal of 2017” and the rebirth of modern news and media, and everyone knows it too.

Thankfully for us, that kid is also going to have access to a GIF of Andersen Cooper rolling his eyes at Kellyanne Conway.

God is good.

But for now, let’s just talk about exactly how bad things have gotten over the last week by highlighting some of the best headlines from today’s media reports.

USA Today: Link:

Summary: This is really awkward. Like super awkward for literally everyone. Not only is he, a sitting president, talking about “tapes” (*gulp) but he’s also bad mouthing the Press again, all while saying that he can’t be on point and accurate all the time. This is so contradictory to everything he’s already said, it hurts. Plus, for a man that said Hilary Clinton should go to jail for “misleading the American people” this is incredibly perplexing. Apparently, it’s literally impossible to be right. I wonder what Hillary is thinking right about now.

Fox News:

Screen Shot 2017-05-12 at 2.05.37 PM

When Fox News is confused by a sitting Republican president, you know something weird is up. Coming from the “Trump Network” themselves,

When President Trump sat down with Lester Holt yesterday, he essentially altered the version of James Comey’s firing that his top aides have been pressing in public.

“I was going to fire regardless of recommendation,” he told the NBC anchor. The recommendation in question was a two-page memo from Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, who had been on the job for two weeks.

Once again, this is awkward. He’s changed his story again and that’s making a lot of this hard to justify. No matter what the timeline is here, it isn’t good. Like, literally, at all. If Fox News is having issues, then it’s not good.

Vox:

Screen Shot 2017-05-12 at 2.12.44 PM

Once again, this is a breakdown of Donald Trump contradicting himself on the Russian Scandal. At least Nixon was smart enough to keep his shit together, but this dude can’t. Not only has he now fully admitted that that’s why he chose to fire him, but he’s doubled down on it on Twitter.

Conclusion: At this point, this has nothing to do with being “Anti-Trump” or “Anti-Republican.” It doesn’t matter what your political affiliation is or who you are. This is not okay. If Fox News is saying that it’s not okay, then there’s no possible way in hell that this is fine. Someday soon, the Russian Scandal is going to hit the American press just like Watergate did in the Washington Post in 1972. Now, all we have to do is wait.

Note: I use Allsides.com to find the stories used in this article.

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